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Final Deathstination/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Joey, Bakura, Gruber, Tristan, Duke Devlin, Kaiba, Florence, Téa, Marik, Ghost Nappa, Yugi, Board Member #1, Board Member #2, Odion, Noah, Noah's dog Date: June 17, 2009 Running Time: 7:42 Transcript YAMI: (singing) This ain't a scene, it's a god damn card game. (Inside blimp) JOEY: Hey, Bakura, something's been bugging me. How in the heck did you manage to win six locator cards in a single Duel? BAKURA: I don't know, how come you're always making that stupid "nyeh" sound? JOEY: Nyeh, what stupid "nyeh" sound? BAKURA: The one you just made. JOEY: Nyeh, what are you talking about, nyeh? BAKURA: You're doing it right now! JOEY: I don't get it, what noise, nyeeee- BAKURA: (as Joey makes "nyeh" sound) The one that's coming out of your mouth at this very moment! JOEY: -eeeh, but I can't hear anything, nyeee- (Intro sequence plays while Joey sings along with "nyeh" sound) JOEY: -eeeh, I still don't hear anything... (Lottery machine room on blimp) GRUBER: Using this cheap lottery machine ve shall now choose ze participants in ze first round of ze semi-finals. TRISTAN: (to Duke) Get your hand off my butt. DUKE: (Sexyback plays in the background) Sorry, it does that. GRUBER: Und now with Herr Kaiba's permission I shall activate ze machine! KAIBA: Just do it already, you offensive stereotype! GRUBER: Heil Kaiba! KAIBA: Yes, yes, heil me. And it looks like the winners are Bakura and Yugi. (On top of blimp, as Duel Deck unfolds) KAIBA: The semi-finals will take place on top of my KaibaCorp Duel ship at an altitude of four thousand feet. The wind currents will make it extremely dangerous and the slightest bit of turbulence could send us all spiraling to our untimely deaths. Any questions? TRISTAN: Are we in outer space? KAIBA: Sure, why not. TRISTAN: Hooray, I'm an astronaut! (On Duel Deck) FLORENCE: Tell me something, Yugi: Have you ever Dueled with the devil in the pale moonlight? YAMI: Look, why don't you just cut the crap and tell us who you really are, Bakura, or should I call you "the spirit of the Millennium Ring who has no official name as of yet"!? FLORENCE: Actually we're both called Bakura. YAMI: What!? But that's just confusing! Not to mention highly unlikely. FLORENCE: Oh, just wait until season five when there's three of me running around. Even the fans have trouble keeping up with that one. TÉA: Oh no, it's the other Bakura! The one we don't like! JOEY: You're gonna have to be way more specific, Téa. TRISTAN: Hey, no fair! I threw the Millennium Ring into the woods in season one! How in the name of continuity did you get it back!? FLORENCE: Oh, there'll be plenty of time for explanations later. In the meantime, I shall vanquish the pharaoh once and for all and take his Egyptian God card for myself! YAMI: Tell it to Anubis, you walking deus ex machina! MARIK: (thinking) Those fools still believe me to be the innocent Malik Blishtar. I must go out of my way to maintain my disguise. (out loud) Hey everybody, I am extremely indifferent. TÉA: Did you just say something? MARIK: Ignore me! TRISTAN: Shouldn't we be wearing our spacesuits? KAIBA: (thinking) It's only a matter of time before Yugi plays his God card. Until that time I'll just stand here and pretend I don't have a boner. FLORENCE: I Summon Dark Necrofear to the field! TRISTAN: Aah! It's an alien! Just like the one that abducted me when I was a child! TÉA: That explains so much, and yet so little. FLORENCE: I activate Dark Sanctuary! Now the Duel will take place in a twisted and horror-filled environment where only the bravest souls dare to venture! YAMI: An anime convention!? FLORENCE: Close but no cigar. Here the spirits of the damned roam freely and every second is like living in a wide-awake nightmare! YAMI: ...Still sounds like an anime convention. FLORENCE: Look, we're in Hell, okay?! Did the giant bloody eyeballs not tip you off!? YAMI: I thought they were cosplayers. (Beat) YAMI: Really good cosplayers. FLORENCE: No such thing I'm afraid. DUKE: ("Sexyback" plays) Even in Hell, everybody stares at the hotness that is Duke Devlin. TRISTAN: Quiet, you fool! Do you want the aliens to probe your anus!? DUKE: ...Maybe. FLORENCE: With Dark Sanctuary in play, I can Summon all manner of supernatural beings to the field. (Ghosts appear, including Casper the friendly ghost, Slimer, Space Ghost, Funky Phantom, and Ghost Nappa) GHOST NAPPA: Ohh yeah, bleep just got real up in this bitch... MARIK: (to Florence with telepathy) Nyehehehe! It looks like Yugi doesn't stand a ghost of a chance! Get it? ...Eh? ...Ghost? ...Ignore me! FLORENCE: And now I activate my Ouija Board Magic Card. With this in play I can communicate with the dead. YAMI: What're ya gonna do, ask the Naruto Abridged fanbase to come kick my butt? (Rimshot) YUGI: They had a fanbase? YAMI: Touché. BAKURA: The Ouija board is about to spell out a word so evil, so foul, that they had to censor it twice to get it past standards and practices! Now it just says "final". YAMI: What did it say before? BAKURA: Disney! (at the 4kids Headquarters, The Imperial March plays) BOARD MEMBER #1: Bakura just said the forbidden word! Should we cancel the show? BOARD MEMBER #2: No. Our master gave us specific instructions not to cancel it until the end of season 2. Don't worry about Bakura. He'll get what's coming to him. ALL BOARD MEMBERS: Down with Disney! All hail 4Kids! (On Duel Deck) FLORENCE: Hahahaha! Just one more letter will seal your doom and then your Egyptian God card will be all-- YAMI: Egyptian what now? Oh right, I completely forgot I had that! (Yami summons Slifer the Sky Dragon, "Obelisk the Tormentor" by Joel Douek plays) YAMI: Come forth, Slifer the Executive Producer! FLORENCE: Holy *bleep* on a *bleep* sandwich. YAMI: What's wrong, Bakura? Is my God Card really that intimidating? BAKURA: No, I'm just shocked that we're actually using music from the Yu-Gi-Oh soundtrack for once! MARIK: (to Florence with telepathy) Don't worry, Bakura, I have a plan to save you from certain defeat. FLORENCE: Marik, your last plan involved me severely injuring myself and lying on a cold hospital bed for a dozen episodes while you hogged all the card games for yourself! MARIK: Yes, but this plan shall be different! FLORENCE: How so? MARIK: Ehh, this time you'll be hospitalized for an entire season. FLORENCE: You know it's a good thing you're pretty. Otherwise I'd have to suffocate you. MARIK: Ignore me! FLORENCE: Sometimes I wish I could. (Odion enters) JOEY: Hey, it's that jerk, Marik Ishtar! What an asshole! MARIK: Hey, you don't know him! Perhaps he's just misunderstood. JOEY: Yeah, if by "misunderstood" you mean "an asshole". MARIK: Stop being so judgmental. He could be a nice guy. ODION: No, I'm definitely an asshole. MARIK: Not helping, Odion! MOKUBA: Seto, that guy's going to interrupt the Duel! KAIBA: That's fine just so long as nobody looks at my crotch. ODION: You might want to reconsider calling your attack. Bakura is under my control. Now watch as I release his host. (Florence reverts to Bakura) BAKURA: Somebody... help... my Britishness is fading... I can barely feel my stiff upper lip. ODION: Go ahead and attack your friend, if you dare! YAMI: What, him? He's not my friend. I barely know the guy. ODION: Oh shoot, seriously? YAMI: Seriously, I don't even think we've exchanged a single line of dialogue. Hell, I don't even know his first name! BAKURA: It's Ryo... YAMI: Yeah, could you keep it down, Bakura. I'm trying to talk to Marik over here. ODION: Okay, but still. You know if you attack he might get seriously hurt. YAMI: Yes, but the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the British. Or something along those lines. Hey, Bakura. Any last words before Slifer toasts your ass? BAKURA: I want my mummy. YAMI: That'll work. FLORENCE: Marik, if I survive this, I'm going to kill you. MARIK: (to Florence with telepathy) Yeaaah, hey. This is kinda awkward but, uh, you mind if I borrow your Millennium Ring? I mean it's not like you'll be around to use it in the foreseeable future. FLORENCE: Over my dead b-- (Slifer attacks Florence) FLORENCE: --aaaugho. MARIK: (quickly) I choose to take that as a no. YAMI: I can't believe Marik made me do this! JOEY: Heeey, he didn't make you do anything, you jerk! You almost killed Bakura and now I'm gonna tell everybody-- YAMI: Hey, everyone! Joey has tickets to see Miley Cyrus in his pocket! JOEY: What the heck are you talkin' abo-- (Tristan and Duke run up and grab Joey) TRISTAN: I love Hannah Montana! JOEY: Nyeh, Tristan! Give me back my pants! YAMI: (off-screen) Works every time. (Ending; main theme from English Dub plays with Joey singing along with "nyeh" noise) CAPTION: to everyone that attended animenext 2009! Stinger (from the animated movie ''Titanic: The Legend Goes On)'' NOAH: (as Maxie) If it hadn't been for you I would be now in someone else's digestion. NOAH'S DOG: (as Rapping Dog) You know there's something you should know, so I'm going to tell you so. Don't sweat it, forget it, enjoy the show! (rapping) Workin' all day, now it's time to unwind, Kick back, relax, take a load of your-- (Noah picks up rock and throws it at his dog; the dog's head explodes) Post Ending GHOST NAPPA: The bleep is with (to Yami) your hair, (to Yami Bakura) your hair, (to Marik) your hair, (to Tristan) your hair, (to Odion) I like you, (to Gruber) your hair, (to Mai) your boobs, (to Téa) your hair, (to Seto) your personality... (He gasps at Mokuba) Oh my god! A rare Pokémon, the shiny Mokuba. I got a Master Ball with your name on it. CAPTION (appears below Ghost Nappa): ALSO STARRING TAKAHATA101 2x18